The Night That Never Ended, and Other Tales of Insanity

Created 9:11am, Jun 13, 2005

Whoa, has it been a long night, let me tell you.

“At this hour, the DOW is up 47 points at 10,560, the Nasdaq’s up 10 points at 2,073, and the S&P 500’s up 5 points at 1,203.” –Tess Vigeland, NPR’s Marketplace Morning Report

“Oh, well, that changes everything!” I exclaimed as I wiggled my toes to loosen the crust with which the night had rewarded me. Although, in reality, it actually didn’t change anything. Why, then, did I make such a bold, daring claim? It’s as I put it to Natalie, as I shuttled her to work this morning. “Nat, just as being drunk grants you license to be stupid, being really tired grants you license to be crazy.” It was a thought that had just popped into my tired, crazy head. But could it be true? And if so…

“Indeed, such knowledge is power,” I continued. “If one were on trial in a criminal case, you see, one could actually claim temporary insanity by reason of being really tired — and no one would be the wiser!”

I’ll admit it. I have a paper due at 3:30pm and I haven’t slept since yesterday at noon. …Yeah, noon. Why did I sleep in till noon the day before a major paper is due? To be quite honest (which is something I value highly) your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps, a more pressing matter is why I am writing in my blog when I have a paper to finish. Let me think about that one. …Yes, my hunch was right, that is indeed a more pressing matter. Regardless, it can be said with absolute certainty that desparate times call for desparate measures. That is why I chose–no I didn’t choose, rather the decision was made by the powers that be and subsequently forced upon me–to order the number 3 breakfast EVM from McDonald’s. Yeah, that’s the same number 3 that comes with not one, but two, equally toxic Sausage McMuffins with Egg. Indeed, it’s the same number 3 that is only 50¢ more expensive than it’s uni-Sausage-McMuffin-with-Egg sibling, number 2. And correct, it is the same number 3 that was probably established by the McDonald’s cost analysis team to counteract the chilling, though very legitmate, effect the Mad Cow scare has had on beef (and beef-ish) sales.