Who ordered the scrambled brains?

Hi, guys! It’s spring break and bo-o-o-oy am I ever! …Huh? Nevermind. Just checking in here so that too much time doesn’t pass before I write again. I’ve been busy working on some projects that have been on the proverbial back burner. Projects. We’re talking migrating my server to better hardware. We’re talking researching random software and standards. We’re even talking moving furniture around, vacumming my room, and hanging shelves. Upgrading my desktop, shopping (ooooh LED watch), reading about software patents and copyright infringment in Free and open source software (FOSS, remember that one) and planning out the final 6 years of my UCLA career are all things that we’re talking. (Yeah, I ended up going with the 13-year “Journey of Bruin Discovery” plan; it includes the unit-limit increase free of charge, and you get to choose two younger lost slackers to be your apprentices.)

Learned a few life lessons so far this break. I learned contemporaneously (sorry, had to use it) the adage that good things come to those who wait, and that the Jack in the Box on the corner of Santa Monica and Veteran is really a euphamistic metaphor for the jackasses that work in that box-like structure. “I’ll have a Bruschetta Chicken Ciabatta.” “Combo?” “No, thanks. Just the sandwich please, if you will, fine sir.” Then I decided I wanted a Diet Coke, and maybe just one or two fries, so it would be better value to order a combo. I’d just throw away most of those fries. Gotta watch the triglycerides and LDL if you know what I mean! Anyway, when I get to the window: “Actually yeah can we make that a combo?” “<indiscriminate grunting>” “Excuse me?” “yebotwugo…parkyou.” “What?” “izgo…take 4 min tacookfries… seven-eleven.” I handed her the money and pulled further up the one-lane exit, leaving as much room as I could for other cars to pass me.” Fifteen minutes later, I walk inside. “I need to speak to the manager.” He appears. “Hi, I went through the drive through and upgraded to a combo at the window. I was told it would take 4 minutes. I’ve been waiting in the street for 15 minutes–” (jackass in background: “Oh yeah I forgot.”) “–not only that, but I was charged for the items individually instead of as a combo.” “We’re sorry about that. [To other fools behind him] I need a small fries.” Then he gave me my money back. And of course now I had to eat the fries, carcinogenic trans fat and all. It’s like that building insisted on having the last laugh. But now I’m laughing. Ha ha ha. But it’s forced so it doesn’t count. Dang! Friggin’ idiots!

I also learned that the girl that makes breakfast in Northern Lights on campus considers ham something referred to by the phrase “I’ll have a breakfast burrito with all the veggies, just the veggies… And cheese!” Well, maybe she’s drawing upon some crazy genetic engineering experiments she’s working on. Crap. Ended that one with a preposition. Back-up! And action: Well, maybe she’s drawing upon some crazy genetic engineering experiments on which she’s working. There! Got it! Sounds just how I want it to: retarded!

Well, like I said, I just wanted to keep you all up-to-date; it would be just plain insulting of me to skip writing for 14 days straight! Now I gotta get back to my spring breaking. No, we’re not talking me damaging tightly wound metal coils with oscillatory mechanics. We’re talking more like jogging, reading, unecessary software installations and the like. Until next time, salutations from my apartment on Jasmine Avenue!

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