Who ordered the scrambled brains?

Just got back from The Ring 2. Oh, I mean The Ring Two. The scariest part of it was when we left the theater and these yellow caution cones placed on the patio would randomly announce “<static>WET FLOOR</static>”. It was so unexpected that I slipped and fell on my tail bone. But seriously, how much money was invested into that technology? Three, four million dollars? How many lives were lost in bringing that to the American public? I guess that’s a small price to pay when we consider the many lives of Century City ShoppingTown [sic?] patrons that will be saved. A talking wet floor cone… Did I mention the light on top of the cone. Yeah, the cone had a flashing red light on top of it. I guess it was there to serve as a visual indicator of the 4 foot tall yellow cone that was right underneath it. It makes you wonder? Would people actually bump into those cones?

“God damnit! Thing freakin jumped out in front of me! Should put a god damned light atop it or something. Got ketchup all over my shirt. Now I gotta wash it. And get another corndog. Damnit.”

Yeah, that happens to me sometimes. No, I mean, people bump into me. And then act like it’s my fault. Maybe I should wear a hat with a light on it. Something like this.

Princess Hat

Kinda pricey though. But I’m taking donations. What, you think I write here for my health?

Actually it happens more in my car. I swear, people in L.A. can’t drive. They cut you off, or don’t get out of the way when you move into their lane, and then they get mad at you. It’s always the same look too. “I can’t believe you just did that. You’re just lucky you’re in your car. Stupid privileged American kid. I could just punch you in the face right now!” Of course, if that were ever to happen, I have a plan. “Oh hi, I’m conducting research on traffic patterns in L.A. I have proof. Look at this survey equipment.” At which point I’d show him this.

Groovy red calculator

I’m really getting hooked on Think Tank by Blur. Really great album. Some raw, minimalistic stuff. Sparse, rough. You can really hear the influence of Albarn’s collaboration in Gorillaz on it. Can’t wait for the new Gorillaz, by the way. British culture is pretty cool. Musically, at least. I don’t really know about that whole obsession with royalty though. Here’s another cool thing from the U.K. Reminds me of that counter-culture graffiti you see under freeway bridges in L.A. Those guys have balls. There’s really no getting out of it if a cop catches you. “Oh! This? Research project.” And then flash this bad boy.

“Handheld” calculator

Little known fact: Cops love vintage calculators. They just eat that crap up. Stems out of their love of the 70s. Vintage calculators and soul ballads. If the research/calculator spiel doesn’t work, just start singing. “I’ll make love to you, when you want me to/And I will not let go, till you tell me to!” Do you seriously think Carl Winslow would arrest you after that? Exactly.

Sgt. Carl Winslow, Chicago P.D.

On the way to the movie theater tonight, I drove past the Troubadour and Graham Coxon was performing! Yes, the Graham Coxon, ex-guitarist for Blur (hopefully not much longer). I almost crapped my pants. But alas, I hadn’t had enough to eat today.

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